Three Photos, Three Lifetimes [A Setken genesis story]

In my last blog post, I mentioned I had been given a vacate notice for the property I live in, later reversed. In the 9 days that the notice was active, I begun the long and intense process of preparing to move house.

It was during this time I opened boxes that had been in storage for a decade, the purpose being to cull my belongings so that I did not have so much to move with me. I discovered boxes full of long forgotten photographs, and it was astonishing to relive the powerful memories associated with them.

As one of the functions of this blog is to share my creative processes – including origins and genesis events - I think the three photos examined here share an insightful glimpse into earlier incarnations of myself that eventually metamorphosed into the artist writing this blog today.

Sullen Child

Circa 1970’s

Photo: likely my eldest sister, otherwise unknown

This is the earliest tableaux-style  photograph[1] in existence featuring my family. Taken outside the back of the family home where my mother still lives in Adelaide, the house was made of the large brick style typical of houses at that time.

The place was painted a curious grey colour, the framing around the windows white. I wonder if that grey was the precursor to the violet-grey that I love so much now and associate with the Duat?

It was one of two instances from my childhood when my mother[2] was in hospital, necessitating my maternal grandmother coming to stay and look after us. Nana loved coming to stay at our place because she was in an abusive marriage with my grandfather. She was a shy woman and adored her son-in-law, my father (shown to the right) holding, I think, a sausage from the plate she holds.

The appreciation she got from her daughter’s family was not existent in her own home. Nana enjoyed cooking for us and was perhaps a little more creative as a family cook than my mother, who does not enjoy cooking - a thing we have in common.

My father is clearly the only one in the photo enjoying the photo op, his pose and grin clearly demonstrating the confident and assured man that he was. The photo would have been an interruption to whatever project he was working on in the shed or back yard, and something none of his children would have been welcomed to assist with or participate in.

In the centre is my youngest sister who is three years older than me. She was likely 7 or 8 years old here, making me, sitting on an upturned metal bucket[3] below, 4 or 5.

She is dressed smartly looking toward my father and away from the camera. One hand grasps the piping on the wall behind, steadying her from toppling as she is balanced precariously on the lip of the outside drain, which we called a sink. The other hand rests on my grandmother’s shoulder, with whom she was particularly close.

Above her hand and between her and dad is a cage that hangs on a hook on the wall. It holds a budgerigar, one of a successive line of the preferred family bird and always called Bluey.

That my sister and I are dressed in smarter clothes than usual for outside playing makes me think that this may have been taken on a Sunday after going to church. Nana would have taken all 3 of us children whilst mum was recuperating in hospital. Dad was not yet a convert to Catholicism.

I cannot tell you what that 4 or 5 year old boy was thinking, but it reveals that at an early age I was already contemplative – if not sullen - and looking isolated from the rest of the family. Maybe I was annoyed that I had to get a photo taken when I’d rather be playing with my toys? Looking at this photo now I recall a sense of dread that mum wasn’t there with us, and that something was wrong with her.

Or maybe I was depressed having had to endure the odious church service I was forced to previously attend?

Hypermasculine In Yellow

Circa 2000

Photo: Duane Eaks Photography

Almost in complete contrast to the first image, this is a forgotten image from the beginning of my bodybuilding days, and just prior to my competition year . My upcoming documentary about that year (2001) covers the period just after when this photo was taken by photographer Duane Eaks (who was also my astrologer, and a very good one!)

This period was early in my fitness career, which I turned to when I realised that pursuing a vocation as an actor had reached a dead-end. I had exhausted that drive for acting which had possessed me in my late teens and early twenties, and sought a more immediate “performing” fix.

The world of professional fitness filled that gap. Besides, I was earning an income as a fitness pro and having a great physique certainly helped.

When I pulled this photo out of storage a few months ago, I was taken aback at the degree I had developed my physical body. It struck me very clearly that I did not think of myself as a well built and handsome man at the time, despite my hubris and – some would say – overconfidence.

This has led to an investigation of self-perception and how we deceive ourselves, with only the benefit of hindsight to reveal the truth of who and what we are later on in life.

The hypermasculine image was something I craved to achieve but always felt miles away from. My personality changed in this era, but probably not to the degree most would assume. I was confident but usually not arrogant.

The small boy in the earlier photo was unconfident, very shy about his body, and afraid of many things including physical activity. How he turned into the creature in this photo is revealed a little bit in the upcoming doco, but perhaps needs further examination in a memoir.

The Goddess Answers

Circa 1999

Photo: Setken

My first ever overseas trip was to the United States Of America. I had landed a job in Melbourne, and part of the bonus was being sent on a flights and accommodation paid for trip to IDEA, then the foremost fitness convention in the world.

This kind of junket was unheard of in the fitness industry in my country (and certainly not heard of since), and when I landed this job I couldn’t believe my luck.

I made the most of my trip and when the convention finished, I flew to New York with the Metropolitan Museum Of Art on my mind: I knew that they had a significant Egyptian antiquities collection and wanted to experience it.

At the time, the assembly of Sekhmet statues visible in this picture were situated[4] in a row in the massive gallery that also houses the reconstructed Temple Of Dendur[5]; the edge of the pool which surrounds it is visible in the photo, and where I sat to take the photo.

I had purchased a disposable camera that took long horizontal photos, and the tableau I saw before me – these 6 divine seated statues of the goddess – mesmerised me.

But there were too many people. People everywhere, blocking the view, walking past standing still . . . . how was I going to get my shot?

I prayed to the goddess in that moment: please clear a way so that I can take the photo. Magickly, eerily, and wonderfully, within seconds the foyer cleared. It was rather astonishing – from a crowd to a dribble of folks at either end of the panorama outside the line of the statues.

I got my shot.

Of course, I was aware of Sekhmet and the Egyptian pantheon before this[6]. But this is the first time I had prayed to her.

The result was promising.

Related blog posts:

Garden Party

Theosophy and Me

Your Shape Is Distinct

Winged Sekhmet

[1] There are however many reels of Super 8 footage of my family when us children were growing up

[2] In one instance, mum had been kicked by a horse at a fairground, and in the other she underwent a hysterectomy

[3] The upturned pale had squeezing cylinders over the top and a device at the side to press them together for mopping floors; it did not sit flush to the ground and was not a comfortable seat

[4] In subsequent years the statues were split up and placed at other points of the museum, which I believe is still the case now

[5] Arguably the jewel in the crown of The Met’s Ancient Egyptian antiquities collection, acquired as a gift for the US participation in helping relocate valuable artefacts along the Nile to higher ground when Lake Nasser was created in the sixties

[6] I had been a reader of the Cartouche oracle deck which focused primarily on the Egyptian deities; Sekhmet Herself was not present in the deck however (see my blogpost Theosophy and Me)